This article is a reprint from Queen Things Online Magazine's, "Just Love: Why We Stay Strong" series. In our June 2021 issue, we talked to three same-sex couples about their relationships, the challenges they face, and the hopes they have for future generations. We hope you are enlightened, encouraged, and entertained!
When Lauryn Page and Trasie Banks met, it was via a comment thread on a Facebook post. Right from the start, they knew they had at least one thing in common!
According to statistics from a 2019 PEW Research Study, since the 2015 landmark decision granting LGBT couples (at the time) the right to marry, the number of those who decided to wed has been on the increase. The pictograph allows us a glimpse into the reasons they choose to take the leap.
"As with the general public, Americans who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) are most likely to cite love as a very important reason for getting married."
Trasie and Lauryn decided to get married for the same reason as millions of other same-sex couples. Simply put, they were in love. Family questioned their decision to engage in a same-sex relationship, but their love and marriage are about so much more than any statistic might reveal.
I was impressed by the candor with which both, Trasie and Lauryn, spoke about how their family backgrounds and prior relationship experiences informed their decision to be together. As there might be within any family, they faced some challenges regarding that choice.
Lauryn, whose family always demanded excellence, says that she has always been willing to try different things, hence her forays into pre-med and writing. I was reminded of the reason I began to stalk her on Facebook five years ago. I was preparing for my first book signing, and I wanted some pointers from people who had already been through what I was about to embark upon. Lauryn had penned a novella, and I was interested in knowing the process she had followed, as well as whether or not she was interested in my publishing services.
I will admit, I thought she was a bit standoffish. This interview allowed me a look into her world, and it afforded me an opportunity to learn why her response to me had been less than enthusiastic. What I found was an intellectually fluid, kind, sensitive person, who safeguards those people, ideas, and beliefs that are important to her, no matter the situation.
Lauryn's writing is a passion, and from what I can tell, she requires no accolades for the work into whichshe pours her heart. She is also very particular about who she allows to read her books. The self-proclaimed nerd reveals that the idea of Trasie taking such an interest in her writing was definitely integral in her decision to pursue the relationship.
As the youngest child, and only daughter, in a family comprised predominantly of boys, Trasie says that even without a father in the home, she grew up surrounded by men. She explains how she tried to follow societal norms, and was historically involved with men, resulting in little satisfaction for her.
It was during her time in college at the University of North Texas that she came to the realization that she wanted a different lifestyle. What she desired was somewhere on the other side of society's idea of what she should desire, but she was no longer willing to settle for what she had been getting.
I love to hear a unique story, and Lauryn's story of how she came to know that Trasie was the one for her, is exactly that. It was during a birthday celebration, where Trasie had insisted on buying the cake for the occasion. Amazed at the thoughtfulness behind the design of the cake, Lauryn was brought to tears. What made it even more special was the fact that Trasie never thought twice about the emotional impact her gift would have on Lauryn.
Realizing that she would have the type of support from Trasie that she desired and that she would require to remain diligent in her writing, as well as being comfortable sharing it, Lauryn took a leap of faith.
What is obvious to me is that Trasie is a listener, and she had to be tuned in to her partner for her to know that Lauryn would appreciate such a gift. It is also apparent to me that she enjoys seeing those that she loves smile.
At first, getting around to actually dating for Lauryn and Trasie was an experiment in patience. They had only been able to communicate from afar before the fateful day when they first met face to face. Ironically, that first meeting took place at a park, which happened to be down the street from the parents of both Trasie and Lauryn.
As the history of their relationship began to unfold, I was struck by how many opportunities the couple had for meeting before they actually did. Both ladies worked at the same place in high school, and never met. They both attended Mesquite high schools. and their parents' homes were only minutes away from each other. Trasie says that her own history taught her to know exactly what she did not want in a partner. She began to set boundaries as she sought what she did want. Unfortunately, she had been subjected to lying, unequal contributions to the relationships, or just not having anything in common with potential partners. She found the commonalities between her and Lauryn to be appealing.
Lauryn describes how she and Trasie both struggled with acceptance from their parents, and some other family members, despite the fact that she did not hide who she was. She reveals that she knew very early in her childhood that she was attracted to girls. It was never something she tried to fight, but she understood the societal boundaries that she was expected not to cross. As with any identity journey, the time came when she refused to continue to cater to beliefs that did not measure up to what she knew to be true of herself. She decided to stand in her truth.
Trasie and Lauryn's decision to get married did not sit well with Lauryn's parents, particularly her father, nor did it please Trasie's mom. Getting them to a point of acceptance was a battle that resulted in their refusal to even attend the wedding.
What the couple found was that acceptance was a hard ask, but they agree that awareness might help to make a difference. Lauryn says that she believes support has waned over the last four years, she is hopeful.
Both Lauryn and Trasie agree that if someone does not accept their relationship, then it is a problem within that person. Still, they realize that there is a stigma within the Black community that impedes the opportunity to learn the reasons some choose to live outside the norm. Therefore, there is no true opportunity to open a dialogue, aimed at reaching the level of understanding required to eradicate the biases members of the LGBTQIA + community face every day.
What is sad, is the idea that even those within the Black community fail to realize that people are people, and love is love.
Lauryn Page and Trasie Banks-Page were married, in 2017, two years after the landmark decision granting LGBT couples the right to marry. Photo courtesy of Lauryn Page.
Photo courtesy: Lauryn Page
Elizabeth Thomas is an educator, writer, editor, and publisher who hails from Dallas, Texas. She is the owner and founder of Latter Rain Publishing, LLC. You can find her on social media at:
Catch her debut broadcast of "Ghetto Conversations: The Podcast" on YouTube at, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jblqUKjVD6A
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